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so i dont know what you say on here. but i guess i want to be able to talk to ppl who can maybe relate some of the things im goin thru. first off, i got back with my ex who had been on and off the last five years [every breakup seems to crush me more, hes always txtin other girls and stuff behind my back] everybreak up has hurt me more, about 2 yrs into it i thot mayb there was sumthin wrong with me since he constantly went after girls who were skinnier and shorter, so i developed a bad eating disorder. that only made our relationship worse..

neways by the fifth year the eating disorder turned into a heavy drug addiction. the eating disorder helped me feel in control, but the drugs made it where i just didnt care. and plus i hated going thru what i went thru daily with issues with my appearance and the drugs i chose helped me stay skinny..

so back to where i started, i got back with him, slowly laid off the drugs, since now i have a whole new group of friends and hes the only sober thing i know.

i put everything into it, everything was goin fine. then i saw that he had been talking to a nother girl. it broke my heart. for the last time i cannot handle it. my drug addiction is getting out of hand, but im having a hard time staying sober, cuz it means not being around my friends, who are all wonderful, and have been there with me thru thick and thin. my ex and i were broke up almost a full year this last time before i got back with him, but slowing down on drugs means i want to fill that void with sumthin comforting, and he was it.

now im heartbroken, he says he just doesnt want me cuz he wants to date other girls to make sure im the one. im the only girl hes ever slept with , so i can understand that, but i dont know why he didnt think about that before.

now im heartbroken, depressed, and have started using drugs more frequently. i hate being alone, its all that sort of temporarily eases my pain...and keeps my eating disorder from returning.

sorry so long, but thats my story. im 21 im a female if you couldnt tell. and im having a hard time. just looking for new friends to relate to. thanks for reading this if you did, i know its boring, but i had to let it out sumwhere.

ok ladies ...

today i decided to buckle down and get back on track. i havent gained any weight or anything, but i havent been losing..

im currently about 140 5'7

by sat id like to be 136.

i am at work all day so cant be on here, i would absolutely love texting buddies. the more the merrier...

254-227-8534


i live in the u.s by the way, have sprint unlimited texting.. so feel free ladies. i got all the time on my hands to text!

i love you all, thankyou to those who answer for your support. ttyl!

Aug. 1st, 2008

i need a texting buddy, it would help , preferably someone close to my stats .

5'7 140 lbs..


please respond. thankyou

watermelon

i been eating alot of watermelon lately, its lunch dinner and a snack.. it fills me up i guess cuz of all the water in it.

good or bad for me? im not really sure about watermelon.

anyone know.

day 2 of abc.

yesterday was day one of abc. supposed to have 500 cal, had 490.

today im allowed 500 cal as well. its 10:30 am and ive had 95 calories.

excited to get this finished. has anyone ever completed the abc diet? and what were your results, also what did you find difficult or easy..any tips or comments???

popcorn

it says on the nutritional facts that when popped, it has hardly any calories. but its so good. is this too good to be true. i mean i got sum and it says a bag when popped is only like 90 calories???

but then the fat free kind says when popped is 100 calories. im really confused..

please help. and thanks.
time to get back on track... ive been real busy lately ,alot of stress, alot on my mind. i have felt guilty for eating like a regular person, i cant stand it. i tried to be sumwhat normal for my relationship, but fuck it. i hate it. so back on track

i miss you ladies. how have you been?

took sum pics yesterday. i know im fat. i took them for motivation. ive already lost alot. here im 5'7 and 139 lbs.  started at about 150. i still have a ways to go. please dont be mean. i know im fat. just wanted you to see me .

Jun. 16th, 2008

5'7  139 lbs...im workin so fuckin hard, i used to be bigger. ive lost alot.   i know im still  fat. im so upset right now. i binged, i had 3 scrambled eggs, 2 wheat rolls, and a piece of choc cake, i purged but only got the cake up, i guess the rest already settled too far. this is fuckin up my relationship wiht my boyfriend, but i dont now if its his fault or mine. he made a comment about me eating that cake and sum gold fish yesterday and i said yes im a fuckin fatass, and he said your my fatass, and then acted like he was tryin to pull me over to him, but like i was too fat to budge. i just burst into tears. he thinks im crazy i hate this. its getting worse and worse everday. i just dont want to feel like a fuckin whale. i just want my boyfriend to tell me im beautiful, and not fat and he wouldnt change a thing, i mean he never even wants to have sex with me. wtf?

sorry to lay all this on you, im just venting and sobbing. thanks for listening.

so..

you know your a fatass when your boyfriend doesnt want to have sex with you. im willing to die starving myself. 

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